you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
