You're completely useless in the revolution.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize