why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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