why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
