ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
