And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
