I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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