2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize