someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
