Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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