Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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