God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
