I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Two words: blizzard sex
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
