Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
