doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
