ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
