Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
