I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
