How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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