i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
