Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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