I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
