Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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