he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I forget how to act sober
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
