now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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