I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
