I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
