Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
