perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
