Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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