I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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