that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize