all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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