He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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