I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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