You work out of a Hotel?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
