I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
