Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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