yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
