Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
