dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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