he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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