nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
