she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
