the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just want to make out with him forever
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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