I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
