you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
