all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
