So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
