it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
