Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
