Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
