i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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