Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
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