there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
