got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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