nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
