I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
