So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
