And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
