that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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