don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
no you cant smoke seaweed
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize
