We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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