I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
