I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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