you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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