i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
