dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
