My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
