I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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