even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
