Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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