textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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