Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
