Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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