if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
