I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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