and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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