gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
