I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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