Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
