Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Terrible idea I love it
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
