We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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