My balls are so social today.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Boobs speak an international language.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
