I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
