You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize