I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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