were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
