guys are not supposed to queef...right?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
