i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
