Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Success! We fucked roommates!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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