oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
