i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you had me at cake vodka
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
