i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
