Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
