you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
