3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
