I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize