i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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