How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Is Oprah even human
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
