after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize