life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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