One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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