Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
we're making bets on your personal life
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
