Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
