Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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