He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
