I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
