i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize