i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
