Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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