maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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