So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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